November 21sh 2009: Day 14? of Circuit
It's been several days since I've seen myself in a mirror. There are very few of them along the Circuit. I don't know why this is, and sometimes I imagine there are deep philosophical implications to this reality in Nepal-- but it's probably just because they are breakable and not necessary up in the mountains.
At any rate, I only began thinking about this today because I'm noticing that the part of me that is self-conscious is quickly dissolving. Maybe it's the lack of mirrors, or maybe it's that when you are in survival mode, what people think of you matters little.
The truth is all of us travelers are a strange bunch of monkeys. We are Americans, Asians, Europeans, Nepalis. We all have our strange customs, our strange physical characteristics-- we talk strange, have funny accents, and we do weird things. Since I've been in Nepal one of my favorite past times is staring at people. It's accepted here and is so much fun just staring at the bizarre sights and sounds of these people from different countries.
Given the tremendous diversity among the world's peoples, you quickly realize that there's no standard for what a person should be. We are all just different. Sometimes I wonder if anyone is judging me for the strange person that I am, but then I smile to realize I couldn't care less. That self-c ritical voice is just a busy-body spewing useless words. It has no basis in truth. Eventually, the mind just tunes out the busy-body and eventually he goes away.
That being said, I would like to find a mirror because I'm curious to see what I look like now that I've grown a beard. I've never had one before and I'm real curious to see who this person is.
Tadopani is heaven on earth. After the day's brutal 10-mile descent, it felt like paradise entering tropical Tadopani with all of its sunshine and tangerine trees and green. And the hot springs-- amazing! Hotter than I've ever experienced before. Every cell in my body is taking delight here. Immediately after arriving, I threw on my bathingsuit and wasted no time getting on down to the hot springs. For the next six hours I basked in the peace of sacred warmth. Every ache and pain dissolved as I slipped into samadhi. Several hours later, I really didn't want to leave, but I was very hungry and nighttime was falling.
The hot springs has worked up quite an appetite in me and now that I'm feeling all good and clean, I decide to eat with my hands, Nepali-style-- this is a first for me. What I've discovered is that you tend to eat a lot more when you're shoveling food into your mouth with your hands. After multiple rounds of rice and beans and vegetables, I think I have overdosed on dal baht. Oh, my belly...
Anyhow, after dinner, a large group of us headed back on down the hill to the hot springs. Stars were above, the river was rushing nearby, the hot spring was heavenly, but something wasn't quite right. Some lousy Ricky Martin dance music was blaring out of distorted speakers and it was making it challenging to slip into that peaceful place. I asked the guy working there if I could plug in my iPod and he gladly welcomed the change of music.
I cued up a mix I'd made for an old girlfriend. It was a peaceful, kicked back collection of songs that are cheerful and fun, but also chill and beautiful. The mood was transformed instantly-- the vibe was now perfect. Completely blissed out, we were all silent in our own space enjoying this blessed moment. I lay floating in the hot water staring up into the night sky as every lyric flow through me. My heart was swaying to the rhythm of each song and more than once little tears formed up.
Most trekkers are planning on heading onwards tomorrow. As for me, I can see no reason to leave. This is paradise. I will definitely be here for a few more days, and if every day is a repeat of today I will be a happy man.
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